The decision to have children should not be made lightly. Becoming a parent changes your language, friends, finances, and the types of decisions you’ll be making on a daily basis. And while there may be a plethora of websites donning advice to new moms from pregnancy tips for taking care of baby, they conveniently omit a few things from their parental guidance.
Let’s explore the top five socially unacceptable and disgusting habits that you wouldn’t be caught dead doing - until you became a parent!
You will start sniffing bums, and it won’t smell of roses!
Under normal circumstances, this would never be considered appropriate, but everyone has witnessed a butt sniff and thought, “what kind of person does that?” As a parent, you will - and it will be funny, it will be discussed in great detail, and you will do it again and again - without a flinch!
You will try to catch vomit in your bare hands!
Moms and Dads become quite adept at defining the micro-expressions of their children. The look of nausea lasts only a split second before their mouth erupts like a volcano! Even for the most organized parent, these things just come up! You will try to minimize the fallout and catch vomit with your hands, shirt, even your own lap!
You will clean baby items by putting them in your mouth!
Babies don’t keep things in their grasp for long unless it’s your flowing locks! Pacifiers, teethers, and bottles fall to the ground often, and even though there are products on the market to keep baby toys hooked to their gear, they never seem to be attached. Most parents are happy to clean up toys with a bit of saliva and call it good to go!
You will pick your child’s nose for them, without a tissue in sight!
Your children look up to you, literally, and you can’t help but notice those giant boogers peeping out. With the fear of mucous being sneezed out or wiped on everything nearby, you get in there and get it yourself without shame, even prideful!
You will clean with spit!
Whether you lick your thumb and wipe a smudge of chocolate off your children or spit on your hand and smooth out their hair, your saliva will get used as a hygiene product more often than you’d like to admit to friends!
Raising babies is not for the faint-hearted. Kids = body fluids! If you can survive the early years, raising children will be a breeze! You will learn to laugh about the most disgusting situations, you will discuss them over dinner, and you will take pictures of the grossest moments of parenting and live to tweet about it!
Stay tuned for more real-life parental guidance from #noslippyhairclippy